It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
