maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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