I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
