he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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