Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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