come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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