i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
