everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
