So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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