she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
