I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
