John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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