I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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