No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
