haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
