Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
