im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
