here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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