I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
