My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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