god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
