I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
