Screwed.edu
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
