Your tits are I can't wait for
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
