Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A bitchslap is in order.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
