Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
