the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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