I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
