Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
