She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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