I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
