So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My vagina is officially offended.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
