mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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