Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
