I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
