Sponge bath it is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
