So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize