Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
