I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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