True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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