dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize