so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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