i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
