he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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