Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
