this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
