that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
