so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
