am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
