just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
