just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
