If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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