I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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