you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
