Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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