do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
