Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
