he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
