Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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