dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
