He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
